An old friend

It was a beautiful day


Gorgeous, and sunny. SPRING FEVER, that's what they call it. It ran rampant through campus today, is running. I love that its warm enough to sleep with my window flung wide open.

I faced this rock today, that I am forced to face every so often; we are going to explore it tonight, and then we will be [hopefully] done. There is still yet one more letter to write after this, however.

How is it, after one lie, I can walk by you as if you were a stranger, or someone I had met in a dream? My brain told my heart that it should want to leap, but it didn't. I think that is what most bothered me. Eight years, plus, I gave you. And yet one little lie can erase that. Upon further reflection, it wasn't one lie. It was a time chock full of them. How can I believe anything you told me, we shared, if that lie was so glib, so nonchalant? What was truth, what wasn't? I was real, I was me. What else could I have wanted from you? Certainly not what it seems you thought. I love you, loved you, love you still. Because of who you were, what you were, and not just because of, but in spite of.

I will not play the fool. Will not be your fool. And you know what causes the biggest ache in my heart? If you couldn't be you with me, who are you you with? My heart aches because your fullness of life must be so shriveled and shrunk. Unsure of which truth to tell what people. Believing untruths because they have become truths.

And you know what causes my heart to cry out unbelievingly to my mind? My life is better without you in it, truly. I am a better woman because you are not there.

A best friend, the best of friends. And here we are, passing like ships in the night. I, a complete stranger, walk by. And the only blip of emotions within me comes because there were no emotions. That lie, what a silly little thing it was too, caused there to at least seem to be more. For how could I trust you? And those lies, be they real or no, now constitute what we had, and makes the you of today a stranger, someone I met in a dream.

I love you still. This love, the love for my best friend, will always endure. If I am there to pick you up, you will never reach that place where there is nothing else, save the One who is Always faithful. I loved you enough to let you go. And I respected myself enough to follow through.

I leave you with this:
Love will always endure.*



*Especially verse 7

Language

Oh how I love it!

The sentence: "No hay nada"

[Literal] Translation: There is nothing.
[English]: hay = I
[Chinese]: hay = ai = love



I leave you with this:
God is Love

On the brink

Here I stand, on the edge, looking over.

I am a sophomore, junior by credit hours. I have at least the next year of my life practically set in stone as to where I'll be and what I'm doing (at least big picture)

I filed my degree program earlier this week for a BS in Accounting. I have to take 9 hours this summer. I am going to apply to MBS to work as a bi-lingual receptionist over the summer. I am very excited about working for the company, the pay, and the job description. September 1 I will begin my next big journey abroad (although there is family vacation between now and then). I fly to Beijing, China. What a life!

I am looking forward to loosing myself into the language and enduring culture. I am excited for the challenges I will face, the sites I will see, and the things I will learn about myself.

As of right now, I will graduate 'on-time' from MSU in spring of 2011. After graduation I would like to work as an accountant while I put myself through grad school, most likely for my MBA. This would be (as of what I am thinking right now) either in St Louis while attending WashU or back to good ol' CoMO to attend MU.


What about my life right now, you ask. It has been awhile, after all.

Life is good, God is good. I cut out all of the confusing guys from my life that did not deserve my time about 5 months ago, and started following the things God had set before me. He is so good. I screw up, but we walk together, and He is a bigger part of my everyday living than ever before. I love my friends, and what I am doing. I have become so comfortable where I am. I am excited for China, in the fact that I want to be there. But, I don't want to leave. I have learned, in theory, how to say no. I do a lot more often than I used to, but most likely not as often as I should.


Most recent life-rocks

• Papau fell about 3 weeks ago and shattered his hip. He had emergency hip replacement and is in temporary assisted living. I am so thankful that I live in town. I go to see him about once a week for a few hours. It amazing what God does for me every time I go. Old people are pretty cool, and God moves when you speak with them. I am making lots of friends.

• Tristan turns 7 today!

• Matthew turns 10 on the 28th of this month!

• Hannah, Jade, Kimberly, Justin, Jim and I are headed to Panama City Beach for Spring Break '09. I am really excited!! We got a townhouse that sleeps 6, with our own hot tub and grill, and it's going to be a freaking awesome week. I love the beach.

I leave you with this:

"In other words, we are literally made of star dust!"*





*Comins, Neil F., and William J. Kaufmann III. Discovering the Universe. 8th ed. New York: W. H. Freeman and Company, 2008.