Completion

Woooo!!!! F2 is completely finished!!!

Now... to run around my room & listen to this, as suggested by @BeckerCPA!

Also, I have watched 21% of the F3 lectures & done 20% of the F3 questions!!  Just gotta knock that out, and I'll only have 7 lectures left!!!


Now... for some more personal thoughts.

I still hate spiders.  I am so freaked out by them right now, that I am actually downstairs in the living room studying instead of upstairs in my room.  Mom is on her way to Hyvee to pick up This Means War.  I was super super wanting to see it while it was in theaters & am PUMPED to have my ritual snacks of cheese & crackers, quickly followed up by a homemade banana split :D

What a great way to relax after having a successful weekend of studying!  (And Salsa-ing)

Studying

It's pretty much impossible to study with two people chatting it up incessantly. OR one person chatting it up incessantly.  I just got a 68 on something that I KNOW because I can't think.  I want to throw this computer out the window.  

That's all

Rachel the Righteous

This blog is inspired by: http://www.bloglovin.com/m/3682853/496920526/fb

Q: What am I procrastinating on?
A: Studying for my CPA.

Q: My newest obsession?
A: Killing spiders!
Q: Tool of choice?
A: RAID! (or handy umbrellas)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxaTev1d16g&feature=youtube_gdata_player
I was supposed to say "I'm Rachel the Righteous!"

Well, Rachel the Righteous is here, and spiders better have some fear.
Q: My total brown-recluse count of about a week?
A: 5

Regardless of all that, I, so far, stink at sitting down & studying for this stupid test.  I got behind, which means I just feel piled-upon. UGH. I think I will probably only get my Financial Portion taken in this test-window.  I have not yet received my "Notice to Schedule," and once I do, I have 6 months to finish taking all four parts of this CPA Exam.  The issue is one out of every three months you can't schedule a test, so, ideally, you take two tests one at the beginning of the 2 month window, and one at the end. WELL, tomorrow my two-month window begins, and I have only completed 2 of the 10 sections to study for the first test I am taking. [sigh]

That's my rant, Now Im gonna go finish section 3!!!! LET'S DO THIS!

A Summer Thursday

Kids are the greatest

So on Wednesday I spent about an hour handwashing my car. It was getting dark when I finished so I didn't dry the windows with a cloth so they air dried a bit splotchy. But the car looked nice. Then, I parked under a tree at school on Thursday and a bird left me a present on my hood. Once class was over, I got my hair cut . It's adorable, if I do say so myself.

Before I headed to Kirksville for the weekend to see my dear friend Emily, I stopped by to spend some time with my sister and nephews.

My sister loved my hair (it's asymmetrical this time, in sort of a bob cut with the cutest bangs EVER) and she asked my 7 year-old nephew, Tristan, what he thought of it.

"It looks messy." Yep. It does. Straight out of a kids mouth. A messy hair cut. He didn't look or sound impressed at all.

THEN I had my oldest nephew, Matthew, who is 10 get something for me out of my car.

What do you think he said?

"Aunty, you should wash your car, it's dirty."

Thanks Matthew, thanks a lot.


I leave you with this:
Enjoy family and especially children. They get old and pick up on political correctness.

Journal Entry

Exploring Life

I originally wrote this May 26, 2009 in my notebook. I decided to share it with you. :)

What is my greatest fear? Failure. I fear that I will fail. That I won't "make it."

How is success defined? Society defines success: Get the job, the girls, the house. Parents define success: Go to school, get a job, move out. Peers define success: Get the boyfriend, chill, stay up, sleep in, skip class, be skinny.

This is why I fear. All of these cannot be done with one life. Not necessarily should be done by anyone. I fear the failure of not succeeding because of trying to chase many different social definitions of success.

I have not had what anyone would define as a 'real' job. At times I feel this is an advantage; I am blessed. At times I feel it is a disadvantage; I am spoiled. This is an example of a situation where conflicting definitions of success tear at me.

Fear paralyzes, it shuts us down. Decisions become impossible to make. My mistakes haunt me. I must correct them. In order for this fear of success to be removed from my daily inability to chose I must make a list of what makes ME successful. I must decide, and I must chose, so that those daily decisions are made clear by the lens of my goals.

How do I define success?

This is what I come to, is what is brewing inside me. Who am I? I need to decide what I want to be, or I will become a hodgepodge of the individual days events, day by day. Attempting to chase 'success' defined by others because of my paralyzing fear of failure. Eventually leading me to middle-aged and a crises of seeing that I work 8-5 M-F and come home and sit on my couch and yell at my kids over the TV. - I want more than mediocre. I want to walk the hard line. I want to be proud of what I am, who I've become, and what I have built.

As it ends

I live in each moment, attempting to take mental pictures of this life I love

Today was my last day of classes as a sophomore. YAY! I must admit, there are teachers, classes, and students I will not miss. I am eternally grateful that we are only in our classes 16 weeks instead of like 40 like highschool. I don't know if I could handle that.

However... I will miss a lot of things. I love my life right now. I am so blessed; God is so good. He always honors His promises. He is eternally faithful.

I got an 88 on my last regular Accounting 301 test!!! This is the test I was attempting to study for the night Daisy died (I did an entry that evening). Unfortunately, even if I get a 100% on the final, I cannot get an A [sigh] this is the hardest I have ever worked for a B. BUT, it was worth it. Today in class, Dr. Ashcroft announced his "all star team". These people are the ones he wanted to recognize because they worked hard in class and he said that he likes to appreciate people for the work they do. I was one of about seven names he called out today in class out of a class of 50+ people. I definitely have a good recommendation letter out of that one... even if I did end up with a B. Overall I really enjoyed the class. It was painful at times, yes, and it was a TON of work, but I liked it. I can be successful even if I am not always right, and I'm not always right. I know it may seem strange, but I like doing something that is challenging enough that I have to work at it but not constantly fail, otherwise it just doesnt keep my attention.

Went to Gram's after classes and had a good afternoon laying in the sun and reading astronomy and napping alternately. The day was gorgeous. Lazy poofy clouds rolling through the majestically blue sky, and my own private concert and sky dance from two male mockingbirds. One of my top 2 favorite types of birds... the other is a baltimore oriole. I am so blessed to have her here, close and almost always available. I will live there three weeks this summer for my intersession class before I leave for China, and depending on how it goes I may decide to live there SP10 semester when I get back instead of moving back into the dorms.

Then Grams and Jade and I went out to dinner at Ruby Tuesdays and I ate a HUGE burger. It was amazing.

Back to campus for some more astronomy and chilling. Then Jade and I decided to watch Adam Sandler's 50 First Dates. It was a great movie. I teared up on more than one occasion... I even almost forgot that it was Adam Sandler! I couldn't believe it.
I will miss her. This was an era. I feel in my spirit that it wont ever be like it is right now. This is healthy, but I will miss it for sure. In this way I almost feel like I'm a senior all over again, trying to take all of these mental pictures and movies because I know it is ending. Of course, like all good things in life, if it continued indefinitely, it would become not a good thing. I think the best thing about college is its brevity and yet depth. You meet all of these people and have all of these conversations. There are the major players and the minor players. The people you love and yet for some reason never hang out with again. The people you can't seem to get rid of no matter how hard you try. The people you never want to ever loose.

I am excited for what the next two years hold. They will look completely different, this much is sure. I will have a blast, this too is assured. I will grow and change and stretch and change, that too is a guarantee. I am excited to meet the woman who will walk out of the next two years. I am excited to see where she will go. I am ready. I am eager, and thus it begins.

I leave you with this.
Make plans for the future. Love always.

Metal Health Day

When you can no longer spell mental... you know you need one

I have had a great day. Infinitely better than ones in this week's recent history. I didn't get much sleep last night, but I did well enough on the accounting test today to be proud of the results considering the state of my emotions going into it. I started crying in the class before. I have not cried in class since finding out I had flunked not just 2 but 3 tests last week of class first semester freshman year. But, I took the test today and remembered more than I forgot.


Then my 'metal health day' began. I am enjoying myself immensely. Doing what I want to do, for how long I want to do it, when I want to. I should start living like this again. And I am going to.

- I went to see my UHC professor (UHC was the honors intro to university life class) and had a good conversation with him for about half an hour about life and plans and his kids. Then there was a guy outside of Strong preaching like they like to do, and I had some God-appointments with people there.

I have revised my opinions of those people a bit. Let me explain. I have almost a respect for them. They are there, allowing themselves to be ridiculed for the sake of what they genuinely believe is the gospel. He had a great command of the scriptures. What he was missing was love. However, he gave me an opportunity to have conversations that I would not have had today otherwise. He causes people to talk and start thinking. To defend what you believe and why you believe it. He challenges both the believer and the non believer. Not that I agree with his message.

I have always held to the catchy phrase belong, believe, behave. If you are still a sinner, that is what you do. You sin. I said this to one of the guys I talked to today, that even in death, no matter what people choose, we glorify God. Whether he enacts his perfect wrath or forgives us and gives us glorious life with Him, He is glorified. He is perfectly just and perfectly gracious. As a sinner people cannot behave believe belong. It simply doesnt work that way. Now, not that we should dilute the message and be 'seeker friendly', but that we should love the sinner and hate the sin. A very hard concept to live out. Live your life in such a way that people wonder what you have that they dont. Make them want it and come seek it out. We have living water, life everlasting and abundant! Be available for conversations and open to questions that challenge you. Trust God that He will direct you to the Scripture you need to answer the question or put people in your life that you can take the tough questions to. That's what the church is for, to enhance your relationship through the strength of the community. I hate the word religion. Yes, I guess I am 'religious', but my religion is guided by a relationship, not by a codified rule system. I am on this adventure called life just like everyone else, I just have someone to go to at all times, someone who will always be there. Call me crazy :)

Then I had some dinner with good friends, and took a nice nap. My mommy called me right after I woke up and we talked some and I got to talk to my daddy too :) Played a game of tetris online.


Then movie time! Had to clean my room because we actually had the movie night in my room! We normally dont because I dont have a TV, but we just used my computer and it was ok. It's nice to have a clean room, and tomorrow real life is back. I'm starting to study for my finals and such... craziness!!!






I leave you with this.
Take a day. It's definately worth it.

And if the cookie crumbles, you must eat it

RIP Daisy 1994-2008



I never thought the death of a dog would affect me. Here I sit, listless and crying. My accounting book full of words in front of me.
The process of accounting for amortizing intangibles just doesnt seem all that important. ya... i actually know how to do that, sort of.

I leave you with this.
Cherish Life

China FA09

I'm actually going! Yep, I have a ticket! :)

Check out this website and blog if you wanna keep up with my travels while I am there. This is my personal, for real blog, but that one should be good too, just for a different, more public set of people. Lots of pictures are promised!

This past week and a half has been rough, but still lots of excellent things have happened! God never ceases to amaze me. He teaches me through both the good things I experience and those things which are not considered so great. I wonder at how faithful He is even in the times when I am being rebellious and unfaithful.

I love my girlfriends. I never could have ever even begun to imagine how blessed I would be while here at MSU. We have a group of friends that is practically unheard of how much we love one another and put each other in front of ourselves. My friends never cease to amaze and bless me.

I leave you with this:
Your life is colorless and incomplete without a personal relationship with Jesus. He makes life worth the living. The canvas of life is so beautiful if you have the help of the master painter. The One who gave us color in the first place :)

An old friend

It was a beautiful day


Gorgeous, and sunny. SPRING FEVER, that's what they call it. It ran rampant through campus today, is running. I love that its warm enough to sleep with my window flung wide open.

I faced this rock today, that I am forced to face every so often; we are going to explore it tonight, and then we will be [hopefully] done. There is still yet one more letter to write after this, however.

How is it, after one lie, I can walk by you as if you were a stranger, or someone I had met in a dream? My brain told my heart that it should want to leap, but it didn't. I think that is what most bothered me. Eight years, plus, I gave you. And yet one little lie can erase that. Upon further reflection, it wasn't one lie. It was a time chock full of them. How can I believe anything you told me, we shared, if that lie was so glib, so nonchalant? What was truth, what wasn't? I was real, I was me. What else could I have wanted from you? Certainly not what it seems you thought. I love you, loved you, love you still. Because of who you were, what you were, and not just because of, but in spite of.

I will not play the fool. Will not be your fool. And you know what causes the biggest ache in my heart? If you couldn't be you with me, who are you you with? My heart aches because your fullness of life must be so shriveled and shrunk. Unsure of which truth to tell what people. Believing untruths because they have become truths.

And you know what causes my heart to cry out unbelievingly to my mind? My life is better without you in it, truly. I am a better woman because you are not there.

A best friend, the best of friends. And here we are, passing like ships in the night. I, a complete stranger, walk by. And the only blip of emotions within me comes because there were no emotions. That lie, what a silly little thing it was too, caused there to at least seem to be more. For how could I trust you? And those lies, be they real or no, now constitute what we had, and makes the you of today a stranger, someone I met in a dream.

I love you still. This love, the love for my best friend, will always endure. If I am there to pick you up, you will never reach that place where there is nothing else, save the One who is Always faithful. I loved you enough to let you go. And I respected myself enough to follow through.

I leave you with this:
Love will always endure.*



*Especially verse 7

Language

Oh how I love it!

The sentence: "No hay nada"

[Literal] Translation: There is nothing.
[English]: hay = I
[Chinese]: hay = ai = love



I leave you with this:
God is Love

On the brink

Here I stand, on the edge, looking over.

I am a sophomore, junior by credit hours. I have at least the next year of my life practically set in stone as to where I'll be and what I'm doing (at least big picture)

I filed my degree program earlier this week for a BS in Accounting. I have to take 9 hours this summer. I am going to apply to MBS to work as a bi-lingual receptionist over the summer. I am very excited about working for the company, the pay, and the job description. September 1 I will begin my next big journey abroad (although there is family vacation between now and then). I fly to Beijing, China. What a life!

I am looking forward to loosing myself into the language and enduring culture. I am excited for the challenges I will face, the sites I will see, and the things I will learn about myself.

As of right now, I will graduate 'on-time' from MSU in spring of 2011. After graduation I would like to work as an accountant while I put myself through grad school, most likely for my MBA. This would be (as of what I am thinking right now) either in St Louis while attending WashU or back to good ol' CoMO to attend MU.


What about my life right now, you ask. It has been awhile, after all.

Life is good, God is good. I cut out all of the confusing guys from my life that did not deserve my time about 5 months ago, and started following the things God had set before me. He is so good. I screw up, but we walk together, and He is a bigger part of my everyday living than ever before. I love my friends, and what I am doing. I have become so comfortable where I am. I am excited for China, in the fact that I want to be there. But, I don't want to leave. I have learned, in theory, how to say no. I do a lot more often than I used to, but most likely not as often as I should.


Most recent life-rocks

• Papau fell about 3 weeks ago and shattered his hip. He had emergency hip replacement and is in temporary assisted living. I am so thankful that I live in town. I go to see him about once a week for a few hours. It amazing what God does for me every time I go. Old people are pretty cool, and God moves when you speak with them. I am making lots of friends.

• Tristan turns 7 today!

• Matthew turns 10 on the 28th of this month!

• Hannah, Jade, Kimberly, Justin, Jim and I are headed to Panama City Beach for Spring Break '09. I am really excited!! We got a townhouse that sleeps 6, with our own hot tub and grill, and it's going to be a freaking awesome week. I love the beach.

I leave you with this:

"In other words, we are literally made of star dust!"*





*Comins, Neil F., and William J. Kaufmann III. Discovering the Universe. 8th ed. New York: W. H. Freeman and Company, 2008.

Untitled

I feel very melodromatic blogging. It's 130 in the morning, and my soul is full. I serve a great God. A magnanomous God. A faithful, wonderful, huge, creative Lord.

It snowed yesterday. It was fitting. The day after Thanksgiving, we went to get our Christmas tree. It is family tradition to drive way out in the country, making my mother and myself sick on the curvy roads to find a tree farm, in search of the perfect Christmas tree.
We did not attain perfection this year. Our normal tree farm is leaving the business, and I think there were a total of 10 trees that had not been cut down on their huge property. It made for an easy decision. We chose the first of two trees we looked at. I'm pretty sure it's a family record for the fastest time from leaving the house to returning. Also! It was the first year I have cut down the tree ALL BY MYSELF! : )
It was raining on our way home, so we elected to not put electric fire-causing lights on a soaked tree, and decided to wait until the next evening. My mother and I strung the lights and hung ornaments while my grandmother sat on the couch in front of our [gas] fireplace and knitted. It began to snow as we were putting the finishing touches.
Perfection is not needed in a tree once it is robed in all its splendor.
I attempted to take a picture, to preserve this idyllic memory, but alas, these things are never photographable.

Imagine, if you will, soft instrumentals in the backgroud. A horn wails tremulously, entering lonesomely before he is joined by a chorus of flutes and saxes. The snapping of metal expanding as flames lick, red-orange, red-orange at their dinner of wood. Pine wafts on the warm air. Cold toes on a slick wooden floor. The overhead lights flick off, a plush leather couch envelopes. The snow falls through a picture-glass door, highlighted by a single bulb outside, naked trees reach. A pine, robed in all its glory, twinkling, twinkling... red, green, soft pink, golden-yellow, winking, winking. A tabby - grayish whitish blackish. Kneading claws, pushing pulling, pushing pulling. Purrrr.

CIS class

So... I am sitting in my CIS class. Nothing too exciting, I'm not paying attention. We're getting our tests back currently... hope I did ok! She curved them, so I'm sure I'm fine.



I am obsessing with igoogle right now. If you have never heard of it, "give it a try" (as my Chinese 101 teacher is constantly saying)


***time passes, now I'm at my computer in my room***



Yay! I got an 82%, AND I have a 104.9% in the class :) That's out of the 735 of 1,000 points available in the class... I am sitting pretty! Thank goodness, becuase in a few of my other classes the story isn't so grand.


Also: I got another opportunity to take my ECO quiz that was due today over again!! This is very exciting becuase I do not have an A in there, and am working vigorously to pull my grade up. Not easy folks, not easy.


Guess what?!? I'm coming home today! :)


I leave you with this.
How much ground could a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?

Breakfast

I'm actually gonna go eat it this morning!!

I get to go home today, and that is good. I don't think I have ever been this homesick in my life, ever. Not even when I was in Guatemala. Kind of crazy. I want to get out my calendar and figure out how long it's been since I was home, just to see. This makes me nervous for China. 9 months. That's a long time.

I captain an intramural soccer team at MSU. And we won last night. And I scored. And it was awesome. Playoffs... here we come!!!

Breakfast time!!!

I leave you with this.
Ni hao ma.

An essay written a year ago for college entrance

The air felt brisk on her partially exposed legs as she skirted a mud puddle. She smiled and returned a wave to the men working on the construction of a wall. She rounded the finished part of the wall, and the view of ASLESI greeted her. It seemed to amaze her every time. Clay-red dirt meeting the sandal clad feet of natives, babies strapped on mamá’s backs for the trip that was anywhere from 3-20 miles. The pungent odor of humanity dampened her initial smile at those there to receive love and treatment. Ellen handed her a spray bottle and a well-used rag. A stack of chairs to disinfect awaited.
She stood back and surveyed the work, satisfied with the cleanliness of the waiting room chairs. She then moved into the next room. Physical therapy mats and children’s toys greeted her, along with balloons and streamers hanging down from the ceiling. She said in a whisper to herself, in English, “The program seems so amazing, I can’t wait to see it in action.” Emanuel’s goofy grin was enough to pull her out of her reverie and call her to action. She congratulated him on the first-year anniversary of the program and asked him what there was for her to do, this time speaking Spanish. He told her in halting English that she could go into one of the treatment rooms and translate for the parents what was going on between the American doctors as they discussed treatment for the disabled children. Smiling, she reminded him of her limited Spanish vocabulary, then headed to the room to help where she could.
A senior translator was in the room when she arrived. Happy to be off the hook, she sat down to watch the action. Hard-to-diagnose patients were brought in for the experts from the States to observe and offer treatment suggestions. She practiced translating to herself, then listened to the senior translator to see if she was anywhere close, grinning when she wasn’t.
The señora who had started the ministry of ASELSI walked into the room. She prepared the doctors for the next patient by explaining, “We just don’t know what to do with this little guy, he seems to be very sensitive to light, and any time he’s out of his house, all he does is cry until he falls asleep from exhaustion. He won’t respond to any toys at all, and the only time he can be consoled is when he’s in his daddy’s arms.”
I sat in the chairs I had cleaned earlier, waiting to see this family who cared enough about their son to risk embarrassment to come and seek help from virtual strangers. The mother came in first. She was dressed typically for the area, with shoes that hardly fit and a skirt that showed what province she was from. Her older son came with her, his behavior was typical. Her husband came next. You could see the pain in his eyes as he took his youngest hijo – son – off of his back and set him gently down on the mat for the gringos to observe. Immediately, a wailing that tore my heart into thousands of pieces filled the room. The doctors gently tried to console him with plastic toys that added obnoxious noise to the inconsolable howling coming from this child who obviously wasn’t anything like his older brother, who was playing calmly with a balloon in his mother’s lap. I began to gently translate for the mother what the doctors were discussing about her child, which she obviously had a great love for. I asked her if I could pray for her and her family, and as she bowed her head, an indescribable peace covered me, calling me, and drawing my heart forever to that place nestled deep in the mountains of Guatemala.

Dream Girls

Well, that's what my brain is full of right now -- Dream Girls. It was quite an excellent movie. I highly recommend it -- Much better than the one I saw last night, Children of Men. hehe. I went w/ my daddy. Neither of us liked it. That's 0 for 2 on the R movies I've seen in theaters. haha. The first one was that gory one done by whoever directed Braveheart, which is by far my favorite movie of all time, Braveheart that is, this other one was no good. I've seen it [Braveheart] like, 6 times, and believe me, that's a lot of times for me to see something more than one time. The only 2 movies I've seen more times than that are Bambi and The Three Musketeers, which both still remained practically tied for 1st. :-P
That, and scamper the penguin is pretty good too...
oh, and Fox and the Hound!!

Tomorrow is Monday. I'm headed to the Intersection and then to my small group, and sometime in between all that I've got to sqeeze in calling MSU about setting up a visit time on Friday; Im skipping CF school to go down there b/c I already have to for an interview, but I want to see the campus in full swing and I want to be able to come back on Saturday for the dance; not that I actually want to go to the dance, but other people want me to, and I want to be wanted, and if I don't go to the things where Im wanted, I wont be wanted anymore. good luck trying to figure that one out. :) Also get a mile in and work on catching up on Spanish; most of my free time is devoted to spanish now, as it should be.
Ha - I think I want to go to MSU, they are offering me the most money right now. I already have full tuition plus the Bright Flight. then, if I get this 1500 scholarship that they are offering me, Ill only have to pay... let's see... a little over 2 grand plus extras and books. [that's per year ladies and gentlemen]

but Im really drawn to UMKC. I dont know why, maybe it's b/c I havent seen the campus yet and Im one of 36 to be accepted into their program. I dont really or haven't really ever liked the feel of KC, yet it might be fun to live there for a few years. I will honestly probably end up coming back to MU for my grad years. Im gonna work hard and try to at least keep a 3.8, we'll see... my dream is to do a 4.0, but I couldn't even do that in h.s. and I've learned that doing things other than just scholarship can actually be fun...

and then there's the wild card, SBU. I have no idea. I mean, I could potentially get the full ride, and I could potentially not. If I do, that's probably where Ill be going, unless I get the full ride to MSU also, and in that case, that's where Ill be going. Now, up until this point these are strictly my plans, and I am ready and very willing if I could just hear God's voice on this stuff to very quickly change my mind, as I really don't have a for sure say any way...

Well, like I said, Dream Girls, a very excellent movie, very motivating and such.
Now I have to finish my Bible hw so I dont have to do it tom, and my English hw so I can get an A. All of this, motivated by this o-so-motivating movie. I really do want to reach the top of what I can reach, and am willing to do it even though I see more hurts ahead. Ha! this ties into what Phil spoke about at church this morning... Worship. yes, that's it, life all ties back together.
:)
Sincerly Yours,
Rachel

ps. did you know that Catherine's old cell phone number is now in use by Mr. Hamilton?? Yes, it's a small world after all, it's a small world after all. It's a small, small world!

Bienvenidos

a mi vida.

Well, here it is, an amazing Saturday evening. The snow is incredible. I can't help but the loving part of my love-hate relationship with cold weather to come out when the snow is new. It is truly amazing. I hate it when they come and move it away and cover it up with the blackness called coal.

Yesterday I was driving. I had to stop suddenly because there was a deer in the middle of my road, a semi-frequent occurance on my road. It was very picturesque. There ended up being three, and they all crossed in front of me and went down the side of the embankment and gracefully leaped over the fence into a field that was partially white with some of the long, tan grasses from the summer still visible. The sun was going down, and pinks mixed with oranges were reflecting through the bare trees. If you hadn't watched these deer enter the field, you wouldn't have been able to see them. It took about 30 seconds, and I was wishing that I had thought to whip out my camera and capture these amazing creatures that are taken for granted because they are here in such abundance.

Did you know that I turn 18 in just a little over 4 months?? Two days before I graduate. It hit me again the other night. For one, I am still not graduating for at least another year, I mean, honestly, Im not really a senior. I am, but Im not, at the same time. :) Im very excited for our beach trip as a class... One last hurrah.
Anyway, I, Rachel, am turning 18. I have enjoyed being 17... I have actually been admitting to 17 for a little over a year now. :) I just got tired of people dropping their mouths when I said 16... On average, I get guesses of 24-26 from people that have just met me... I don't know why. Then I have to tell them Im 17 and they fall all over themselves appologizing, and the eligible bachelors suddenly remember their girlfriends, etc. So now Im going to be 18. It'll be an adventure, that's for sure.
I also decided, this same night that the epiphany of becoming 18 hit me, that I will not seriously date for another year. I want to finish out this semester, my last one of high school strong, and I also need to figure out how to keep my GPA up in college. So, not that I will absolutely not go on dates, I just am not going to be going on a steady relationship, b/c those are exhausting and Im just not ready... this past year w/out having to worry about someone else has been nice. Sure, the support system is nice, but I am myself, and I fix my hair how I want (or dont fix it at all) and just in general am myself.
I cleaned my room over the past week. I took everything out of the bottom of my closet and made a huuuuge pile in the middle of my floor. Today I took the time to finish going over everything and got the floor so that the only things on it are my two backpacks and my trash can and my snake cage. It looks incredible. I also put my rugs back down. They just lend to making the room look complete. Now all I have to do is figure out what Im doing with all the misc. clothes on my bed... The next cleaning project will be my bookshelf, maybe, or going through my clothes in my closet, but I did that fairly recently... and I need to re-go through my college stuff so that I make sure Im not missing any deadlines. Gah! college. haha. right.

Another exciting thing- I am taking a spanish class this semester!! La clase de espanol tres. They know two more tenses than I do and yet, I have an edge of understanding how to think on my feet to actually speak in it and have more than a "hey how are you conversation" not that Im any good at it, but I understand the logistics and that it can be done. My favorite is telling a story, then you come across a word that is specific to what you are trying to convey, so you spend 5 minutes trying to explain the word, and by that time, you have forgotten what story you are telling, your sole purpose is now coming across a new vocabulary word that you probably won't remember in a day or two. Back to the spanish class.. I don't know, I thought I would be able to handle it, but Im trying to go through the part of the book that they've already made it through, but I think Ill be playing catch-up the whole semester, which will be good for me, b/c I dont think I challenged myself this past semester. I just did things other that scholastic ones. I hate it when people look down on me b/c they think Im throwing something away... I dont know. Im not perfect, and I dont expect to fit into your standards. I decided that I was going to live my life for myself, not for other people like you. I had a good time, and now I've found something that will challenge me and I hope and pray that Ill be able to hold the vision for 4 months and not just give up and let it go. It'll be a lot of work, and there will be several embarrasing, dumb questions all semester long, but that's ok. Im also excited b/c I am seeing another side of public schools. My art class is a lower-level required class, but my new spanish class is 3rd year, and pretty much the only people in there are the intellectuals and the over-achievers, so to speak,
so... ya, Im seeing a totally different side than the required, everyone takes this class side of things. It's nice, and Im hopeful for some new friends.
I wonder what they think of me. A new kid, coming in a day after semester, and doesnt understand the vocabulary, and her pronunciation is rusty... oh well, Im there to learn, and Im sure Ill learn a lot.
I already have.

Soccer season coming up!! Im so out of shape, and haven't exersized in over a week... gah... i have a feeling I won't get into shape before practice, oh well... Im excited and nervous all at the same time. Amanda is sick, and that'll really affect us, and we dont have her older stister, Abby, b/c she is no longer attending CF. Gah!! Im the oldest and most experienced, and it'll be my turn to lead the team. Gretal will be there. She's so cool. :) but it's my last year. so it's sad that it's already here, even though Im excited for someone else to be responsible to motivate me to get into shape.

OOo... another exciting thing. We have our family vacation set up. We're going to baja california, I cant remember the name of the city. But it's another beach vacation... my absolute favorite. So im going to indulge in a tanning package and go a few times before Senior Trip and a few times before family vacation, which is in late July.
Maybe Ill try to find a new suit too... That is always challenging...

speaking of challenging, finding a CF appropriate dress is very challenging... and they rescheduled the same sat that I have my interview for a scholarship at MSU. at 200-220. Then there is a luncheon. and it takes 3 hours to get to here from there. So let's say I get out of there at, like, 330. I won't get home till 630. and I think the dance starts at 8 or 9... That's def. crunching it. At least my hair's easy... maybe Ill set up an appointment to get my make-up done in Springfeild. lol. Although that would totally eliminate me doing any sleeping on the way home. :) When I was setting this whole thing up with my grandmother during Christmas break it seemed like a lifetime away, and now it is just a week, and I am totally skipping my CF school on Friday to go up there and get a "private" tour of the campus. It's pretty, I've already looked around by myself over break -- My grandmother lives about 30 minutes away from campus. So I have a four-day week this next one. I am really looking forward to my spanish class... Im soooo excited!!! I don't know why I love the language so much. It's just amazing. haha... I was speaking to someone, and it was making total sense, and we had had a good conversation, then I just started laughing, b/c I listened to myself, and it just sounded like gibberish... I thought to myself, I just understood and communicated in total gibberish!! I wonder what English sounds like. I can't hear it. I just have so many connotations with all the words I hear that it's impossible to just listen to the sounds. that's what scares me w/ spanish, the connotations. I dont really know what Im saying, and new words I have no real, implied definition of the words Im using, just the literal translation into english. I have no idea what the words mean to the person Im saying them to... That's what scares me. For instance: Que? means what? It took me the longest time to realize that I could use it not just as the beginning of a question, but also in the middle of sentences. Como este: 1) What are you doing? and 2) You know what to do. anyway, just stuff like that... Can I use it like this?? Tiene sentido??? lol.

Pues, I am going to go read my lotr book. lol. I checked out the whole trilogy in one book. I have made it through the first one and half of the second. They did an incredibly good job with the movie... I mean, it's really incredible. really.
the Eragon book was really dissapointing. The book [lotr] is not making me dissapointed at the movie, at all... but I still have 800 pages in the trilogy left, so we'll see.

well, that's all ive got for now
my fingers are tired. :)
Rachel