As it ends

I live in each moment, attempting to take mental pictures of this life I love

Today was my last day of classes as a sophomore. YAY! I must admit, there are teachers, classes, and students I will not miss. I am eternally grateful that we are only in our classes 16 weeks instead of like 40 like highschool. I don't know if I could handle that.

However... I will miss a lot of things. I love my life right now. I am so blessed; God is so good. He always honors His promises. He is eternally faithful.

I got an 88 on my last regular Accounting 301 test!!! This is the test I was attempting to study for the night Daisy died (I did an entry that evening). Unfortunately, even if I get a 100% on the final, I cannot get an A [sigh] this is the hardest I have ever worked for a B. BUT, it was worth it. Today in class, Dr. Ashcroft announced his "all star team". These people are the ones he wanted to recognize because they worked hard in class and he said that he likes to appreciate people for the work they do. I was one of about seven names he called out today in class out of a class of 50+ people. I definitely have a good recommendation letter out of that one... even if I did end up with a B. Overall I really enjoyed the class. It was painful at times, yes, and it was a TON of work, but I liked it. I can be successful even if I am not always right, and I'm not always right. I know it may seem strange, but I like doing something that is challenging enough that I have to work at it but not constantly fail, otherwise it just doesnt keep my attention.

Went to Gram's after classes and had a good afternoon laying in the sun and reading astronomy and napping alternately. The day was gorgeous. Lazy poofy clouds rolling through the majestically blue sky, and my own private concert and sky dance from two male mockingbirds. One of my top 2 favorite types of birds... the other is a baltimore oriole. I am so blessed to have her here, close and almost always available. I will live there three weeks this summer for my intersession class before I leave for China, and depending on how it goes I may decide to live there SP10 semester when I get back instead of moving back into the dorms.

Then Grams and Jade and I went out to dinner at Ruby Tuesdays and I ate a HUGE burger. It was amazing.

Back to campus for some more astronomy and chilling. Then Jade and I decided to watch Adam Sandler's 50 First Dates. It was a great movie. I teared up on more than one occasion... I even almost forgot that it was Adam Sandler! I couldn't believe it.
I will miss her. This was an era. I feel in my spirit that it wont ever be like it is right now. This is healthy, but I will miss it for sure. In this way I almost feel like I'm a senior all over again, trying to take all of these mental pictures and movies because I know it is ending. Of course, like all good things in life, if it continued indefinitely, it would become not a good thing. I think the best thing about college is its brevity and yet depth. You meet all of these people and have all of these conversations. There are the major players and the minor players. The people you love and yet for some reason never hang out with again. The people you can't seem to get rid of no matter how hard you try. The people you never want to ever loose.

I am excited for what the next two years hold. They will look completely different, this much is sure. I will have a blast, this too is assured. I will grow and change and stretch and change, that too is a guarantee. I am excited to meet the woman who will walk out of the next two years. I am excited to see where she will go. I am ready. I am eager, and thus it begins.

I leave you with this.
Make plans for the future. Love always.

Metal Health Day

When you can no longer spell mental... you know you need one

I have had a great day. Infinitely better than ones in this week's recent history. I didn't get much sleep last night, but I did well enough on the accounting test today to be proud of the results considering the state of my emotions going into it. I started crying in the class before. I have not cried in class since finding out I had flunked not just 2 but 3 tests last week of class first semester freshman year. But, I took the test today and remembered more than I forgot.


Then my 'metal health day' began. I am enjoying myself immensely. Doing what I want to do, for how long I want to do it, when I want to. I should start living like this again. And I am going to.

- I went to see my UHC professor (UHC was the honors intro to university life class) and had a good conversation with him for about half an hour about life and plans and his kids. Then there was a guy outside of Strong preaching like they like to do, and I had some God-appointments with people there.

I have revised my opinions of those people a bit. Let me explain. I have almost a respect for them. They are there, allowing themselves to be ridiculed for the sake of what they genuinely believe is the gospel. He had a great command of the scriptures. What he was missing was love. However, he gave me an opportunity to have conversations that I would not have had today otherwise. He causes people to talk and start thinking. To defend what you believe and why you believe it. He challenges both the believer and the non believer. Not that I agree with his message.

I have always held to the catchy phrase belong, believe, behave. If you are still a sinner, that is what you do. You sin. I said this to one of the guys I talked to today, that even in death, no matter what people choose, we glorify God. Whether he enacts his perfect wrath or forgives us and gives us glorious life with Him, He is glorified. He is perfectly just and perfectly gracious. As a sinner people cannot behave believe belong. It simply doesnt work that way. Now, not that we should dilute the message and be 'seeker friendly', but that we should love the sinner and hate the sin. A very hard concept to live out. Live your life in such a way that people wonder what you have that they dont. Make them want it and come seek it out. We have living water, life everlasting and abundant! Be available for conversations and open to questions that challenge you. Trust God that He will direct you to the Scripture you need to answer the question or put people in your life that you can take the tough questions to. That's what the church is for, to enhance your relationship through the strength of the community. I hate the word religion. Yes, I guess I am 'religious', but my religion is guided by a relationship, not by a codified rule system. I am on this adventure called life just like everyone else, I just have someone to go to at all times, someone who will always be there. Call me crazy :)

Then I had some dinner with good friends, and took a nice nap. My mommy called me right after I woke up and we talked some and I got to talk to my daddy too :) Played a game of tetris online.


Then movie time! Had to clean my room because we actually had the movie night in my room! We normally dont because I dont have a TV, but we just used my computer and it was ok. It's nice to have a clean room, and tomorrow real life is back. I'm starting to study for my finals and such... craziness!!!






I leave you with this.
Take a day. It's definately worth it.

China FA09

I'm actually going! Yep, I have a ticket! :)

Check out this website and blog if you wanna keep up with my travels while I am there. This is my personal, for real blog, but that one should be good too, just for a different, more public set of people. Lots of pictures are promised!

This past week and a half has been rough, but still lots of excellent things have happened! God never ceases to amaze me. He teaches me through both the good things I experience and those things which are not considered so great. I wonder at how faithful He is even in the times when I am being rebellious and unfaithful.

I love my girlfriends. I never could have ever even begun to imagine how blessed I would be while here at MSU. We have a group of friends that is practically unheard of how much we love one another and put each other in front of ourselves. My friends never cease to amaze and bless me.

I leave you with this:
Your life is colorless and incomplete without a personal relationship with Jesus. He makes life worth the living. The canvas of life is so beautiful if you have the help of the master painter. The One who gave us color in the first place :)

Dream Girls

Well, that's what my brain is full of right now -- Dream Girls. It was quite an excellent movie. I highly recommend it -- Much better than the one I saw last night, Children of Men. hehe. I went w/ my daddy. Neither of us liked it. That's 0 for 2 on the R movies I've seen in theaters. haha. The first one was that gory one done by whoever directed Braveheart, which is by far my favorite movie of all time, Braveheart that is, this other one was no good. I've seen it [Braveheart] like, 6 times, and believe me, that's a lot of times for me to see something more than one time. The only 2 movies I've seen more times than that are Bambi and The Three Musketeers, which both still remained practically tied for 1st. :-P
That, and scamper the penguin is pretty good too...
oh, and Fox and the Hound!!

Tomorrow is Monday. I'm headed to the Intersection and then to my small group, and sometime in between all that I've got to sqeeze in calling MSU about setting up a visit time on Friday; Im skipping CF school to go down there b/c I already have to for an interview, but I want to see the campus in full swing and I want to be able to come back on Saturday for the dance; not that I actually want to go to the dance, but other people want me to, and I want to be wanted, and if I don't go to the things where Im wanted, I wont be wanted anymore. good luck trying to figure that one out. :) Also get a mile in and work on catching up on Spanish; most of my free time is devoted to spanish now, as it should be.
Ha - I think I want to go to MSU, they are offering me the most money right now. I already have full tuition plus the Bright Flight. then, if I get this 1500 scholarship that they are offering me, Ill only have to pay... let's see... a little over 2 grand plus extras and books. [that's per year ladies and gentlemen]

but Im really drawn to UMKC. I dont know why, maybe it's b/c I havent seen the campus yet and Im one of 36 to be accepted into their program. I dont really or haven't really ever liked the feel of KC, yet it might be fun to live there for a few years. I will honestly probably end up coming back to MU for my grad years. Im gonna work hard and try to at least keep a 3.8, we'll see... my dream is to do a 4.0, but I couldn't even do that in h.s. and I've learned that doing things other than just scholarship can actually be fun...

and then there's the wild card, SBU. I have no idea. I mean, I could potentially get the full ride, and I could potentially not. If I do, that's probably where Ill be going, unless I get the full ride to MSU also, and in that case, that's where Ill be going. Now, up until this point these are strictly my plans, and I am ready and very willing if I could just hear God's voice on this stuff to very quickly change my mind, as I really don't have a for sure say any way...

Well, like I said, Dream Girls, a very excellent movie, very motivating and such.
Now I have to finish my Bible hw so I dont have to do it tom, and my English hw so I can get an A. All of this, motivated by this o-so-motivating movie. I really do want to reach the top of what I can reach, and am willing to do it even though I see more hurts ahead. Ha! this ties into what Phil spoke about at church this morning... Worship. yes, that's it, life all ties back together.
:)
Sincerly Yours,
Rachel

ps. did you know that Catherine's old cell phone number is now in use by Mr. Hamilton?? Yes, it's a small world after all, it's a small world after all. It's a small, small world!